i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
