Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
