Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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