We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
