We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
