Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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