I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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