and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
