haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
