Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
