You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
