This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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