it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
