Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
