Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize