she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
