Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
