Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
