yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
