I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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