I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
