I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hippo gnu deer
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
