So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
