wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's blow job season.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
