i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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