No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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