Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
