you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I sprained my soul last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
