i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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