Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
