There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
