He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
