my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
