Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
