I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
