at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize