Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
