Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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