trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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