you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
