3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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