Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
