Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
