Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
