Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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