I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
