Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want a musical about memes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
