Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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