I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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