hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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