WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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