i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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