The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
