i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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