haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
