There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
