dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
