Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
