How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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