shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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