He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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