You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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