He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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