You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
