I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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