I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
