textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Success! We fucked roommates!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
