Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Buhtt sex?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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