she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
