I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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