I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
