Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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