it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
