What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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