careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
