dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Quick, to the slutcave!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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