Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
