We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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