thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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