am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
