so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
