We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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